Chapter 5
Forgiving Ends These
Problems
Jesus Can Set You Free
(taken from the book "I Will Give You Rest" by Edward Kurath)
Forgiveness Is Essential
We have seen that "judging" is what plants the “roots of
bitterness” in our heart that causes us to have “bad fruit” (anger
problems) in our lives. This is a serious condition, and we need a
way to be set free from the influence of these bitter roots.
Forgiving and being forgiven by God is the only
cure. It is the only way that the bitter root is pulled out and
replaced by a good root, which is the presence of Jesus in us.
God has told us a great deal about why forgiveness is essential.
1. Forgiveness is important because God said so. Jesus
is the only Judge of the universe. When we judge, we
attempt to take His place. God is not happy about this.
2. Forgiveness is important for us. When we judge
another, we sin and this plants a bitter root in our heart. This
bitter root will produce bad fruit. There is only one cure for
this, and that is the blood of Jesus. He shed His blood to take
away our sins.
How Forgiving Sets Us Free
We need His blood to wash away this sin of judging so we don’t
have to reap the resulting consequences that come about from
the operation of God's laws. The only way to accomplish this is to
forgive (from our heart) the one who wounded us, and then to be
forgiven by Jesus. When He forgives us, He pays the debt we
owe in the spiritual realm, and we are set free from the
consequences we would otherwise have to pay for our debt.
When we forgive, Jesus comes into that place inside us and
displaces the bitterness. Then we become like Him in that area.
Therefore, forgiveness is the only way we can be set free of
anger problems.
If We Don't Forgive . . .
If we don’t forgive (from our heart), we won’t be forgiven by God
(though this sin will not send us to hell). If we are not forgiven by
God, we will continue to do the things we hate.
There simply is no other way to be set free. That is why
you haven’t had victory over your anger in the past.
It Is A Miracle!
Stopping the reaping from our judging takes a miracle. We need a
legal transaction to take place in the spiritual realm if
we are to be set free. Once the bitter root has been removed,
and Jesus has moved into that place in our heart we will have
peace.
What Does It Mean To Forgive?
There are two common obstacles that often make it difficult for us
to forgive. The first obstacle is that we misunderstand what God
meant by "forgive." "Forgive" is a word that is so common
among Christians that we think we know what it means.
However, most of us were taught what this word means by the
world around us, and so the meaning we have attached to it may
not be the same as what God is referring to when He tells us to
forgive.
An Obstacle To Forgiving:
Sometimes this misunderstanding gets in the way of our being
able to forgive others in the process of our healing.
For instance, many of us have heard something like, “Forgive and
forget." We try to do that, and we find we can’t forget what the
person did to us. Then we think we haven’t forgiven. Or perhaps
somebody has hurt us, and we may believe that forgiving means
we need to again make ourselves vulnerable to that person. Then
something inside us resists forgiving, because we are sure the
person will wound us again. Then we find it difficult to forgive.
God Wants To Bless You
However, God loves you and He will not ask you to do something
that is not good for you, or is dangerous or destructive to you.
Once you understand what God meant when He told you to
forgive, you will find it much easier to forgive from your heart.
Your misunderstanding of what it means to forgive may have
been keeping you in bondage.
What Forgiveness Is NOT
Forgiveness is not the following:
1. It is not saying the person did not transgress or hurt
us, when he or she in fact did.
2. It is not relieving the other person of their
responsibility, such as making excuses for their actions. For
example, “My parents couldn’t help it," or “They did the best
they could," or “I’d have done the same thing if I had been in
their shoes.”
3. It is not forgetting what the other person did. We can’t
forget, but the hurt can be removed from the memory, and
we can be forgiven for our judging.
4. It is not trusting the other person again when he or she
is still unsafe – becoming vulnerable to the person again
may not be wise.
5. It is not a “feeling." Rather, forgiving is a decision.
However, when forgiveness has been accomplished we will
feel differently about the other person whenever we think of
them.
6. It is not saying or pretending we weren’t hurt and/or
that we weren’t angry; or ignoring the hurt feeling because
we aren’t supposed to be angry. Rather, we need to process
our feelings, not suppress them.
What Forgiveness IS
Forgiveness is deciding not to hold the other person in debt.
Unforgiveness says, “You unjustly hurt me, and you owe me a
debt. I will make you pay.” Forgiveness says, “Even though you
hurt me and owe me a debt, I am writing it off. You owe me
nothing. It is not my place to make you pay, and I release you to
the judgment of Jesus. He is the just Judge, and He will rightly
decide the case. If there is any penalty, He will collect it.”
Forgiveness does not say, “Go get 'em, God. You make him
pay.” Such a statement clearly reveals bitterness still lodged in
the heart.
A Second Obstacle To Forgiving
In addition to misunderstanding what forgiveness really is, there
may be a second obstacle to forgiving. We may fear that if we
give up our resentment we won't be protected. We may believe
that a wall of resentment will protect us. This is, of course, a lie.
Holding the resentment causes us to suffer.
As I will discuss in a later chapter in "I Will Give You Rest"
(Chapter 8 about honoring parents), we perceive God in the same
way that we perceive our parents. If they were protecting and
nurturing, it will be easy for us to see God in this way. However, if
they were neglectful, or unloving, or mean, or abusive, there will
be a deep sense in us that all authorities are this way, including
God. When our parents were this way, we had to look out for
ourselves and be our own protector. Later in life we will then
struggle with trusting God to be our protector. But in reality, He is
the only one who can protect us.
We Are The Ones Who Suffer
If we do not forgive, we are the ones who suffer. God is a just
judge, which means that no one ever gets away with anything,
ever, anywhere. Not everyone believes this, but it is true. The law
of God is inescapable, and whatever we sow, we will surely reap,
"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a
man sows, that he will also reap" (Galatians 6:7).
Because forgiving is so important, we need to remove
every obstacle that prevents us from accomplishing it,
and we need to be persistent in accomplishing it.
Remove Bitter Roots Immediately!
Bitter roots are easier to eradicate if we remove them soon after
they are planted. The longer they are allowed to grow, the larger
the root system becomes and the more difficult they are to pull
out. Gardeners understand this. When a weed first comes up in a
garden, it is small and frail. It can be plucked out easily.
However, if one neglects the garden for some time, pulling the
weeds is a big job. The roots of the weeds have then become
large and entrenched, and sometimes a large hole has to be dug
in order to remove them. Healing is easier if you remove a bitter
root as soon as it is planted.
Unforgiven Judgments Accumulate
Another thing happens if we neglect to keep up with our
"weeding." If we allow the sins to pile up, eventually they become
too obvious to ignore. People who have lived in the country
know what a septic tank is. It is a big cement tank buried under
ground into which the wastewater from a house runs. There the
waste goes through a natural process of cleansing, but some
types of waste stays in the tank and gradually fills it up.
Periodically it needs to be pumped out, or it overflows and makes
a smelly mess. Our hearts are a bit like septic tanks. If we don't
keep our own pumped out, it eventually fills up with junk,
overflows and makes a mess. It is therefore important that we
pump ours out every time some waste enters it.
In other words, we need to forgive every time we judge so that our
own "septic tank" (our heart) stays clean.
Who Do We Need To Forgive?
There are probably many people we need to forgive.
Psychotherapy and Christian counseling have both tended to
focus on relationships with our parents and our siblings. Without
a doubt these relationships were impactful, and the roots of
bitterness resulting from being wounded by them cause major
problems for us.
However, the deepest hurts, the greatest emotional pain, and the
most devastating fruit comes from judging God and judging
ourselves. Yet it may seem strange and new to be walking
through forgiveness of God and of ourselves.
Importance Of Forgiving God
Somehow it seems weird to forgive God, because He did not do
anything wrong! And perhaps it is scary to think that we may
have blamed Him. But I believe that all of us have judged Him in
some way.
It is important to recognize that for us to have judged another
does not mean that person actually wronged us. What is
important is that we perceive that he or she has wronged us. For
instance, we may feel that an individual has rejected us, and we
may have become angry and judged him. Then we may find out
later that the person did not reject us at all. Even though he didn’t
actually wrong us, we still need to forgive him and be forgiven.
Discovering that the person had not actually rejected us will not
remove the bitter root that we planted.
The discovery that he did not actually reject us may make it easier
to forgive, but it does not remove the bitter root that was planted
when we judged them. Though we wrongly perceived the
rejection, a legal transaction still occurred in the spiritual realm,
and that sin needs to be paid for by Jesus, or we will surely
experience the bad fruit from the bitter root.
This is the way it is with God. He did not do anything wrong, but
when we judged Him, we thought He did. For instance, if as a
child we were abused, it is very likely that when the abuse was
happening we judged God for not protecting us. Though we may
not be consciously aware of this judgment, we will reap from this
bitter root until we forgive Him.
Importance Of Forgiving Yourself
It may also seem strange to recognize that you have judged
yourself. How is that possible? In addition, forgiving and asking
for forgiveness for judging yourself may seem very unusual and
unnatural. But Paul said that God is the only one who has a right
to judge you. You do not have this right. I will explore this issue
in more detail in "I Will Give You Rest" Chapter 9, "There Is Buried
Treasure." Here I simply want to point out that your relationship
with yourself is very important. You need to repair it where it is
damaged, and you need to live with yourself in a new and loving
way.
Self-Judgment Is Very Common - And Destructive
I have counseled people who have been working on their Inner
Healing for years and who have forgiven every person
imaginable, and yet they were still suffering great emotional pain.
I have found that the key for these people is that they had judged
themselves and have not forgiven and been forgiven.
In fact, all the people I have ever counseled have judged
themselves to some degree! I was a bit astounded when I first
realized this, because none of those who taught me about prayer
counseling had said anything about this (though I have since
found confirmation of my realization from other writers). Self-
judgment is often under-emphasized in Inner Healing.
Remember the example in the prior chapter where I cut my finger
when I was cutting up carrots. When I would say to myself, "You
dummy, why weren't you paying more attention to what you were
doing?"That was a self-judgment. I used to judge myself in that
way very frequently.
Many of us do this sort of thing to ourselves regularly. You need
to realize this self judging is very destructive.
First recognizing that we have judged ourselves, and
then forgiving and being forgiven by God is one of the
biggest keys to Inner Healing.
We All Talk To Ourselves
When people say,
"Ed, this is really weird, speaking to myself and asking myself to
forgive me."
To this statement I simply respond,
"When you called yourself a dummy, who were you talking to?"
Inevitably they say, "To myself."
You see, we all speak to ourselves regularly, but it is
frequently harsh and judgmental talk. The thing that feels weird
about speaking to ourselves in forgiveness is not that we are
talking to ourselves, but that we are saying nice things.
Elements For Accomplishing Forgiveness
There are certain elements involved in walking through the
process of
forgiving when we have judged:
1. Recognition: First, we need to recognize that we have
judged (sinned). Denial and fear can often interfere with our
ability to see what we have done.
2. Confession: Then we need to confess that we have sinned.
3. Repentance: This means to turn away from the sin. We
need to hate the sin and want to no longer walk in that way.
4. Forgiveness: We need to make a decision to forgive, and
then forgive from our heart.
5. Accept forgiveness from God: Sometimes another person
needs to verbalize to us that God has forgiven us before we are
able to accept this fact.
6. Ask the Lord to fill that place in our heart with His presence.
We need Him to take up residence in that place that had
previously contained bitterness, judgment, and blame.
7. Ask the Lord to bless the other person. If we find this
difficult to do, then it is likely that forgiveness has not been fully
accomplished.
In the case of close relationships, when you judge you have
two things to do:
How To Pray
Forgiveness must come from the heart to be effectual:
Jesus always looks on the heart, not the behavior, and we can't
fool Him.
Therefore it is always important that we forgive from our
heart as the living Lord leads, rather than recite a rote
prayer a though it were a magical formula.
You Need To Speak Forgiveness
Please be aware of the important position that words have in our
prayers of forgiveness. For some reason, God set up the
universe in such a way that words have power. Then God said,
"Let there be light,"
and there was light (Genesis 1:3).
The words that I speak bring my thoughts into reality. Once they
are spoken, it is as though a legal contract has been signed, or a
legal event has happened, in the spiritual realm. The words can
be "bad" and bring about difficulty (for example judging), or they
can be "good" and bring about life (for example blessing
someone). Though the Bible doesn't explain to us why words
have power, it does make the fact abundantly clear, that they do
have great power.
Forgiving Is Miraculous
My "Dog Story"
Perhaps you already read this story elsewhere on
this website.
If so, just skip it.
If not, I think it will really help you to grasp the
simplicity and power of the Lord Jesus' provision
for us.
I am a jogger, and I live on the side of a mountain. In the winter it
is icy, and I can't run here; because I will fall and break
something. Therefore I drive 4 miles to town. There is a street
that is about 1 1/2 miles out and 1 1/2 miles back that is plowed
and sanded and does not have much traffic. That is my running
track in the winter.
One day a few years ago I was almost at the far end of the run
when two mid-sized dogs ran out after me. I have learned that
you don't run from dogs, so I turned on them and I shouted,
"Hey, you get back there."
They skidded to a stop. The owner was a woman who was
standing on the sidewalk.
She said, "Hey, don't talk to my dogs like that."
I said, "Lady, you have to be kidding me. We are in town, there is
a leash law here. Your dogs shouldn't be here in the street."
She called her dogs and went inside.
As I continued my run, I was very upset.
I thought, "This is the only convenient place I have to run, and I'm
not going to let them spoil that. What will I do about it? I know
what. I have a foot long steel bar in my garage. I'll carry that.
Then when they come out, I'll take care of them."
Then I thought again. It wasn't really the dogs' fault, and I'd
probably get in trouble if I hurt them. Then what can I do instead?
"I know what I'll do," I thought. "I'll carry my cell phone. Then
when they come out after me, I'll grab one of them by the collar
and call the dog warden. Then she'll get a ticket, and that should
fix her."
I finished my run, drove home, took a shower, and went to my
office.
As I sat down, I was still chewing over this situation. As I
grumbled over it, I got the distinct impression that the Lord was
tapping me on the shoulder. I knew what He wanted: He wanted
me to forgive the woman. I didn't want to forgive her, and argued
with the Lord.
"But she was so thoughtless. She had no right to let her dogs
loose, etc, etc, etc."
Eventually I knew it was a losing battle arguing with the Lord, so I
agreed to forgive her, thought I still didn't want to. I realized I
wasn't angry at the dogs. I was angry at the owner.
As I prayed, gradually I calmed down. I forgave her, asked the
Lord to forgive me for judging her. I asked Him to take out the
bitter root I had just planted, to cleanse that place, and to fill it with
His presence.
I began to recognize that she had a permanent scowl on her face;
and a healthy person would have said something like,
"I'm sorry, sir. Are you alright? Did they scare you?"
I realized that she was a wounded and unhappy person, and I
began to pray for her. I suspected that she might not know the
Lord, and began to pray for her salvation.
Suddenly it was as though I was struck by lightning:
I realized that I was seeing her the way the Lord sees her. I wasn't
praying for her because it was the "Christian thing to do." I was
praying for her because I saw her pain and neediness.
Before I prayed, I was on the throne. She had no right to act like
that. I was the judge, she was wrong, I was right, and I was going
to make her pay.
Now I saw her as Christ sees her. I saw her neediness and
wounding.
A miracle had occurred.
Before I prayed, I was a bit nuts. I was on the throne, she was
wrong, and I was sure I was right. I was in the mind of the "flesh."
After I prayed, I had the mind of Christ. Jesus in me (in that place
where I had just invited Him to enter) was producing "good fruit."
I was thinking the way He was, and I was acting the way He would
act.
When we forgive, a miracle occurs. It is not something we can
accomplish on our own.
We can repress our anger, or try to be nice; but we can't change
what is inside us.
Only the blood of Jesus can accomplish it. And it does!
ANGER MANAGEMENT
You may have tried to manage your anger, and discovered it
doesn't work. It may actually make it worse. Now you can
probably understand WHY "anger management" does not work.
Then you are denying the "bitter root" inside, rather than having it
removed. It is like a pressure cooker. Anger management ties
down the valve, and so the pressure keeps building up inside.
Then eventually it explodes, and people get hurt. Whereas Jesus
turns off the burner so that the steam is not building up. There is
no steam, and no explosion.
Summary
Forgiving (and being forgiven by God) is the key to accessing
God’s provision for taking away our sin.
It is the ONLY door to freedom.
Forgiving and being forgiven by God is the only means available
for stopping the bad fruit in our lives– for us to stop doing the
things that we hate. God made this provision, and it is of central
importance that we understand what forgiveness is and how to
accomplish it so that we can then apply this God-ordained
provision for healing. Jesus came to set us free:
TRY IT!
You already know enough to apply this to simple situations in
your life. The next time you feel angry, let the anger come up.
Then forgive whoever was at fault and ask the Lord to forgive you
and to fill that place with His presence. Wait for a moment.
Then go back and think of the event again and see how you feel. I
will bet there is much more peace!
It is a miracle!
To continue to progress in your feeling of peace, you
need the rest of the story, so you can apply this to the
deeper places in your life.
You can start the rest of your journey by reading the
chapters on the left.
You will not likely find this information anywhere else.
You may already know that, because you may have tried
everything else.
Truly, there is a cure for your anger problem!
Pray Without Ceasing
We have a daily exercise that you can do so that you can
experience the peace Jesus promised throughout your day, and
some suggestions as to how to pray to forgive.
Then you should buy the book and receive the free
Workbook that goes with it.
When you buy a book, we will also include a free PDF Workbook
that will help you to apply what the book teaches. After all, the
book is only useful if you are actually set free.
Buying and using the book will be one of the best investments
you ever made in yourself. And you can return it for a full refund if
it does not measure up to your expectations.
If you can not afford to buy a copy, email us your situation
and we will consider sending you a free copy. We want everyone
to experience the freedom Jesus promised!
Email us at: edkurath@divinelydesigned.com.
Copyright 2003 by Edward Kurath
Forgiving Ends These
Problems
Jesus Can Set You Free
(taken from the book "I Will Give You Rest" by Edward Kurath)
Forgiveness Is Essential
We have seen that "judging" is what plants the “roots of
bitterness” in our heart that causes us to have “bad fruit” (anger
problems) in our lives. This is a serious condition, and we need a
way to be set free from the influence of these bitter roots.
Forgiving and being forgiven by God is the only
cure. It is the only way that the bitter root is pulled out and
replaced by a good root, which is the presence of Jesus in us.
God has told us a great deal about why forgiveness is essential.
1. Forgiveness is important because God said so. Jesus
is the only Judge of the universe. When we judge, we
attempt to take His place. God is not happy about this.
2. Forgiveness is important for us. When we judge
another, we sin and this plants a bitter root in our heart. This
bitter root will produce bad fruit. There is only one cure for
this, and that is the blood of Jesus. He shed His blood to take
away our sins.
How Forgiving Sets Us Free
We need His blood to wash away this sin of judging so we don’t
have to reap the resulting consequences that come about from
the operation of God's laws. The only way to accomplish this is to
forgive (from our heart) the one who wounded us, and then to be
forgiven by Jesus. When He forgives us, He pays the debt we
owe in the spiritual realm, and we are set free from the
consequences we would otherwise have to pay for our debt.
When we forgive, Jesus comes into that place inside us and
displaces the bitterness. Then we become like Him in that area.
Therefore, forgiveness is the only way we can be set free of
anger problems.
If We Don't Forgive . . .
If we don’t forgive (from our heart), we won’t be forgiven by God
(though this sin will not send us to hell). If we are not forgiven by
God, we will continue to do the things we hate.
There simply is no other way to be set free. That is why
you haven’t had victory over your anger in the past.
It Is A Miracle!
Stopping the reaping from our judging takes a miracle. We need a
legal transaction to take place in the spiritual realm if
we are to be set free. Once the bitter root has been removed,
and Jesus has moved into that place in our heart we will have
peace.
What Does It Mean To Forgive?
There are two common obstacles that often make it difficult for us
to forgive. The first obstacle is that we misunderstand what God
meant by "forgive." "Forgive" is a word that is so common
among Christians that we think we know what it means.
However, most of us were taught what this word means by the
world around us, and so the meaning we have attached to it may
not be the same as what God is referring to when He tells us to
forgive.
An Obstacle To Forgiving:
Sometimes this misunderstanding gets in the way of our being
able to forgive others in the process of our healing.
For instance, many of us have heard something like, “Forgive and
forget." We try to do that, and we find we can’t forget what the
person did to us. Then we think we haven’t forgiven. Or perhaps
somebody has hurt us, and we may believe that forgiving means
we need to again make ourselves vulnerable to that person. Then
something inside us resists forgiving, because we are sure the
person will wound us again. Then we find it difficult to forgive.
God Wants To Bless You
However, God loves you and He will not ask you to do something
that is not good for you, or is dangerous or destructive to you.
Once you understand what God meant when He told you to
forgive, you will find it much easier to forgive from your heart.
Your misunderstanding of what it means to forgive may have
been keeping you in bondage.
What Forgiveness Is NOT
Forgiveness is not the following:
1. It is not saying the person did not transgress or hurt
us, when he or she in fact did.
2. It is not relieving the other person of their
responsibility, such as making excuses for their actions. For
example, “My parents couldn’t help it," or “They did the best
they could," or “I’d have done the same thing if I had been in
their shoes.”
3. It is not forgetting what the other person did. We can’t
forget, but the hurt can be removed from the memory, and
we can be forgiven for our judging.
4. It is not trusting the other person again when he or she
is still unsafe – becoming vulnerable to the person again
may not be wise.
5. It is not a “feeling." Rather, forgiving is a decision.
However, when forgiveness has been accomplished we will
feel differently about the other person whenever we think of
them.
6. It is not saying or pretending we weren’t hurt and/or
that we weren’t angry; or ignoring the hurt feeling because
we aren’t supposed to be angry. Rather, we need to process
our feelings, not suppress them.
What Forgiveness IS
Forgiveness is deciding not to hold the other person in debt.
Unforgiveness says, “You unjustly hurt me, and you owe me a
debt. I will make you pay.” Forgiveness says, “Even though you
hurt me and owe me a debt, I am writing it off. You owe me
nothing. It is not my place to make you pay, and I release you to
the judgment of Jesus. He is the just Judge, and He will rightly
decide the case. If there is any penalty, He will collect it.”
Forgiveness does not say, “Go get 'em, God. You make him
pay.” Such a statement clearly reveals bitterness still lodged in
the heart.
A Second Obstacle To Forgiving
In addition to misunderstanding what forgiveness really is, there
may be a second obstacle to forgiving. We may fear that if we
give up our resentment we won't be protected. We may believe
that a wall of resentment will protect us. This is, of course, a lie.
Holding the resentment causes us to suffer.
As I will discuss in a later chapter in "I Will Give You Rest"
(Chapter 8 about honoring parents), we perceive God in the same
way that we perceive our parents. If they were protecting and
nurturing, it will be easy for us to see God in this way. However, if
they were neglectful, or unloving, or mean, or abusive, there will
be a deep sense in us that all authorities are this way, including
God. When our parents were this way, we had to look out for
ourselves and be our own protector. Later in life we will then
struggle with trusting God to be our protector. But in reality, He is
the only one who can protect us.
We Are The Ones Who Suffer
If we do not forgive, we are the ones who suffer. God is a just
judge, which means that no one ever gets away with anything,
ever, anywhere. Not everyone believes this, but it is true. The law
of God is inescapable, and whatever we sow, we will surely reap,
"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a
man sows, that he will also reap" (Galatians 6:7).
Because forgiving is so important, we need to remove
every obstacle that prevents us from accomplishing it,
and we need to be persistent in accomplishing it.
Remove Bitter Roots Immediately!
Bitter roots are easier to eradicate if we remove them soon after
they are planted. The longer they are allowed to grow, the larger
the root system becomes and the more difficult they are to pull
out. Gardeners understand this. When a weed first comes up in a
garden, it is small and frail. It can be plucked out easily.
However, if one neglects the garden for some time, pulling the
weeds is a big job. The roots of the weeds have then become
large and entrenched, and sometimes a large hole has to be dug
in order to remove them. Healing is easier if you remove a bitter
root as soon as it is planted.
Unforgiven Judgments Accumulate
Another thing happens if we neglect to keep up with our
"weeding." If we allow the sins to pile up, eventually they become
too obvious to ignore. People who have lived in the country
know what a septic tank is. It is a big cement tank buried under
ground into which the wastewater from a house runs. There the
waste goes through a natural process of cleansing, but some
types of waste stays in the tank and gradually fills it up.
Periodically it needs to be pumped out, or it overflows and makes
a smelly mess. Our hearts are a bit like septic tanks. If we don't
keep our own pumped out, it eventually fills up with junk,
overflows and makes a mess. It is therefore important that we
pump ours out every time some waste enters it.
In other words, we need to forgive every time we judge so that our
own "septic tank" (our heart) stays clean.
Who Do We Need To Forgive?
There are probably many people we need to forgive.
Psychotherapy and Christian counseling have both tended to
focus on relationships with our parents and our siblings. Without
a doubt these relationships were impactful, and the roots of
bitterness resulting from being wounded by them cause major
problems for us.
However, the deepest hurts, the greatest emotional pain, and the
most devastating fruit comes from judging God and judging
ourselves. Yet it may seem strange and new to be walking
through forgiveness of God and of ourselves.
Importance Of Forgiving God
Somehow it seems weird to forgive God, because He did not do
anything wrong! And perhaps it is scary to think that we may
have blamed Him. But I believe that all of us have judged Him in
some way.
It is important to recognize that for us to have judged another
does not mean that person actually wronged us. What is
important is that we perceive that he or she has wronged us. For
instance, we may feel that an individual has rejected us, and we
may have become angry and judged him. Then we may find out
later that the person did not reject us at all. Even though he didn’t
actually wrong us, we still need to forgive him and be forgiven.
Discovering that the person had not actually rejected us will not
remove the bitter root that we planted.
The discovery that he did not actually reject us may make it easier
to forgive, but it does not remove the bitter root that was planted
when we judged them. Though we wrongly perceived the
rejection, a legal transaction still occurred in the spiritual realm,
and that sin needs to be paid for by Jesus, or we will surely
experience the bad fruit from the bitter root.
This is the way it is with God. He did not do anything wrong, but
when we judged Him, we thought He did. For instance, if as a
child we were abused, it is very likely that when the abuse was
happening we judged God for not protecting us. Though we may
not be consciously aware of this judgment, we will reap from this
bitter root until we forgive Him.
Importance Of Forgiving Yourself
It may also seem strange to recognize that you have judged
yourself. How is that possible? In addition, forgiving and asking
for forgiveness for judging yourself may seem very unusual and
unnatural. But Paul said that God is the only one who has a right
to judge you. You do not have this right. I will explore this issue
in more detail in "I Will Give You Rest" Chapter 9, "There Is Buried
Treasure." Here I simply want to point out that your relationship
with yourself is very important. You need to repair it where it is
damaged, and you need to live with yourself in a new and loving
way.
Self-Judgment Is Very Common - And Destructive
I have counseled people who have been working on their Inner
Healing for years and who have forgiven every person
imaginable, and yet they were still suffering great emotional pain.
I have found that the key for these people is that they had judged
themselves and have not forgiven and been forgiven.
In fact, all the people I have ever counseled have judged
themselves to some degree! I was a bit astounded when I first
realized this, because none of those who taught me about prayer
counseling had said anything about this (though I have since
found confirmation of my realization from other writers). Self-
judgment is often under-emphasized in Inner Healing.
Remember the example in the prior chapter where I cut my finger
when I was cutting up carrots. When I would say to myself, "You
dummy, why weren't you paying more attention to what you were
doing?"That was a self-judgment. I used to judge myself in that
way very frequently.
Many of us do this sort of thing to ourselves regularly. You need
to realize this self judging is very destructive.
First recognizing that we have judged ourselves, and
then forgiving and being forgiven by God is one of the
biggest keys to Inner Healing.
We All Talk To Ourselves
When people say,
"Ed, this is really weird, speaking to myself and asking myself to
forgive me."
To this statement I simply respond,
"When you called yourself a dummy, who were you talking to?"
Inevitably they say, "To myself."
You see, we all speak to ourselves regularly, but it is
frequently harsh and judgmental talk. The thing that feels weird
about speaking to ourselves in forgiveness is not that we are
talking to ourselves, but that we are saying nice things.
Elements For Accomplishing Forgiveness
There are certain elements involved in walking through the
process of
forgiving when we have judged:
1. Recognition: First, we need to recognize that we have
judged (sinned). Denial and fear can often interfere with our
ability to see what we have done.
2. Confession: Then we need to confess that we have sinned.
3. Repentance: This means to turn away from the sin. We
need to hate the sin and want to no longer walk in that way.
4. Forgiveness: We need to make a decision to forgive, and
then forgive from our heart.
5. Accept forgiveness from God: Sometimes another person
needs to verbalize to us that God has forgiven us before we are
able to accept this fact.
6. Ask the Lord to fill that place in our heart with His presence.
We need Him to take up residence in that place that had
previously contained bitterness, judgment, and blame.
7. Ask the Lord to bless the other person. If we find this
difficult to do, then it is likely that forgiveness has not been fully
accomplished.
In the case of close relationships, when you judge you have
two things to do:
- 1. Resolve the problem in the spiritual realm.
2. Restore the relationship with the other person.
How To Pray
Forgiveness must come from the heart to be effectual:
- "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you,
from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses"
(Matthew 18:35).
Jesus always looks on the heart, not the behavior, and we can't
fool Him.
Therefore it is always important that we forgive from our
heart as the living Lord leads, rather than recite a rote
prayer a though it were a magical formula.
You Need To Speak Forgiveness
Please be aware of the important position that words have in our
prayers of forgiveness. For some reason, God set up the
universe in such a way that words have power. Then God said,
"Let there be light,"
and there was light (Genesis 1:3).
The words that I speak bring my thoughts into reality. Once they
are spoken, it is as though a legal contract has been signed, or a
legal event has happened, in the spiritual realm. The words can
be "bad" and bring about difficulty (for example judging), or they
can be "good" and bring about life (for example blessing
someone). Though the Bible doesn't explain to us why words
have power, it does make the fact abundantly clear, that they do
have great power.
Forgiving Is Miraculous
My "Dog Story"
Perhaps you already read this story elsewhere on
this website.
If so, just skip it.
If not, I think it will really help you to grasp the
simplicity and power of the Lord Jesus' provision
for us.
I am a jogger, and I live on the side of a mountain. In the winter it
is icy, and I can't run here; because I will fall and break
something. Therefore I drive 4 miles to town. There is a street
that is about 1 1/2 miles out and 1 1/2 miles back that is plowed
and sanded and does not have much traffic. That is my running
track in the winter.
One day a few years ago I was almost at the far end of the run
when two mid-sized dogs ran out after me. I have learned that
you don't run from dogs, so I turned on them and I shouted,
"Hey, you get back there."
They skidded to a stop. The owner was a woman who was
standing on the sidewalk.
She said, "Hey, don't talk to my dogs like that."
I said, "Lady, you have to be kidding me. We are in town, there is
a leash law here. Your dogs shouldn't be here in the street."
She called her dogs and went inside.
As I continued my run, I was very upset.
I thought, "This is the only convenient place I have to run, and I'm
not going to let them spoil that. What will I do about it? I know
what. I have a foot long steel bar in my garage. I'll carry that.
Then when they come out, I'll take care of them."
Then I thought again. It wasn't really the dogs' fault, and I'd
probably get in trouble if I hurt them. Then what can I do instead?
"I know what I'll do," I thought. "I'll carry my cell phone. Then
when they come out after me, I'll grab one of them by the collar
and call the dog warden. Then she'll get a ticket, and that should
fix her."
I finished my run, drove home, took a shower, and went to my
office.
As I sat down, I was still chewing over this situation. As I
grumbled over it, I got the distinct impression that the Lord was
tapping me on the shoulder. I knew what He wanted: He wanted
me to forgive the woman. I didn't want to forgive her, and argued
with the Lord.
"But she was so thoughtless. She had no right to let her dogs
loose, etc, etc, etc."
Eventually I knew it was a losing battle arguing with the Lord, so I
agreed to forgive her, thought I still didn't want to. I realized I
wasn't angry at the dogs. I was angry at the owner.
As I prayed, gradually I calmed down. I forgave her, asked the
Lord to forgive me for judging her. I asked Him to take out the
bitter root I had just planted, to cleanse that place, and to fill it with
His presence.
I began to recognize that she had a permanent scowl on her face;
and a healthy person would have said something like,
"I'm sorry, sir. Are you alright? Did they scare you?"
I realized that she was a wounded and unhappy person, and I
began to pray for her. I suspected that she might not know the
Lord, and began to pray for her salvation.
Suddenly it was as though I was struck by lightning:
I realized that I was seeing her the way the Lord sees her. I wasn't
praying for her because it was the "Christian thing to do." I was
praying for her because I saw her pain and neediness.
Before I prayed, I was on the throne. She had no right to act like
that. I was the judge, she was wrong, I was right, and I was going
to make her pay.
Now I saw her as Christ sees her. I saw her neediness and
wounding.
A miracle had occurred.
Before I prayed, I was a bit nuts. I was on the throne, she was
wrong, and I was sure I was right. I was in the mind of the "flesh."
After I prayed, I had the mind of Christ. Jesus in me (in that place
where I had just invited Him to enter) was producing "good fruit."
I was thinking the way He was, and I was acting the way He would
act.
When we forgive, a miracle occurs. It is not something we can
accomplish on our own.
We can repress our anger, or try to be nice; but we can't change
what is inside us.
Only the blood of Jesus can accomplish it. And it does!
ANGER MANAGEMENT
You may have tried to manage your anger, and discovered it
doesn't work. It may actually make it worse. Now you can
probably understand WHY "anger management" does not work.
Then you are denying the "bitter root" inside, rather than having it
removed. It is like a pressure cooker. Anger management ties
down the valve, and so the pressure keeps building up inside.
Then eventually it explodes, and people get hurt. Whereas Jesus
turns off the burner so that the steam is not building up. There is
no steam, and no explosion.
Summary
Forgiving (and being forgiven by God) is the key to accessing
God’s provision for taking away our sin.
It is the ONLY door to freedom.
Forgiving and being forgiven by God is the only means available
for stopping the bad fruit in our lives– for us to stop doing the
things that we hate. God made this provision, and it is of central
importance that we understand what forgiveness is and how to
accomplish it so that we can then apply this God-ordained
provision for healing. Jesus came to set us free:
- "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath
anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he
hath sent me too heal the brokenhearted, to preach
deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to
the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to
preach the acceptable year of the Lord" (Luke 4:18-19, KJV).
TRY IT!
You already know enough to apply this to simple situations in
your life. The next time you feel angry, let the anger come up.
Then forgive whoever was at fault and ask the Lord to forgive you
and to fill that place with His presence. Wait for a moment.
Then go back and think of the event again and see how you feel. I
will bet there is much more peace!
It is a miracle!
To continue to progress in your feeling of peace, you
need the rest of the story, so you can apply this to the
deeper places in your life.
You can start the rest of your journey by reading the
chapters on the left.
You will not likely find this information anywhere else.
You may already know that, because you may have tried
everything else.
Truly, there is a cure for your anger problem!
Pray Without Ceasing
We have a daily exercise that you can do so that you can
experience the peace Jesus promised throughout your day, and
some suggestions as to how to pray to forgive.
You can get a free PDF copy of the daily exercise
by clicking here.
- You can get a free PDF copy of how to pray to forgive and be
forgiven by clicking here.
Then you should buy the book and receive the free
Workbook that goes with it.
- Click here to see how to buy the book.
When you buy a book, we will also include a free PDF Workbook
that will help you to apply what the book teaches. After all, the
book is only useful if you are actually set free.
Buying and using the book will be one of the best investments
you ever made in yourself. And you can return it for a full refund if
it does not measure up to your expectations.
If you can not afford to buy a copy, email us your situation
and we will consider sending you a free copy. We want everyone
to experience the freedom Jesus promised!
Email us at: edkurath@divinelydesigned.com.
Copyright 2003 by Edward Kurath
Divinely Designed
Being changed into the image of Jesus
Being changed into the image of Jesus
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