Being changed into the image of Jesus
A Safe Place
This article was written by Christine Molder, Bellingham,
It is a bit different than a "testimony," which is why it is
posted as an "article." It is a description of what Jesus
has done for her, and is doing for her whenever needed.
Christine was previously tortured with self-
condemnation. To me the significance of her article is
that the Lord has healed her deeply, but also that the
healing is continuing. She is not "learning" to love
herself, because what is going on is not a intellectual
enterprise. It is a spiritual miracle orchestrated by
Jesus. As He heals her, she sees herself more and
more the way He sees her - He loves her, and so she
"By the time I was four years old, I was very afraid that
I would ruin every human relationship life offered me.
Specifically, I was convinced that every human
relationship would eventually require that I give up
loyalty to myself in order to maintain the relationship.
These internal decisions I made about how life worked
were not conscious, yet they ruled me. The result was
that I lived with a constant undercurrent of inner turmoil
from which I could not escape. As far as I could tell,
the real me had caused me a lot of trouble in my life. I
distanced myself from her in every way I could.
These unconscious beliefs continued to grow stronger in
me until age 61, when I participated in a one-on-one
week of intensive counseling (three hours a day for five
consecutive days) with Ed Kurath.
God can work alone to produce miracles, but most often
in my life He has worked through others who are
surrendered to Him. That is what He did in this case.
To put it bluntly, once you got below the public façade
of my life, the place was mostly an empty wilderness
where unpredictable internal violence erupted, sending
seemingly random explosions of chaos deep
underground within me.
This is what I brought to Jesus by coming to talk to Ed.
What Jesus did was to build me a sanctuary in that
wilderness inside me. He built me a room that was
simple and clean. It sheltered me from the dangers, the
chaos, and the loneliness of the wilderness.
When I come into that sanctuary within, I am always in
God’s presence. I can come at any time. It is open to
me 24-7. It is a “come as you are” sanctuary, no
special attire or invitation required. I can stay as long
as I wish. Jesus is always there; and He is always
happy to see me. He is not about rules. He is about
love. He loves me and He always has all the time in the
world for me.
Jesus began His healing of my self-hatred in that way.
Through Ed’s counsel, God showed me why I despised
and feared myself: (1) I blamed and hated myself for
things that were not my fault, and (2) I believed lies
about God’s nature and about myself. Jesus began to
teach me I was to love myself and to forgive myself and
anyone who hurt me. He began to teach my heart that I
am His beloved child.
Through Ed’s work with me, Jesus reconciled me to the
deepest part of my inner being. He made a space inside
me for that deepest part of me to dwell in peace and
honor. I can go to that place inside at any time. The
door is always open. I can now commune with God
from my heart of hearts, not just from my head.
I needed to do the work of that intensive week of
counseling to be able to trust Jesus enough to let Him
touch me and heal my deep, deep lack of trust in myself
and lack of trust in God.
Ed’s counsel is gentle, bold, compassionate and clean.
God will make His home as deeply within you as you
will allow. The Truth never changes. The sanctuary
God built in me was built upon the Lord Jesus Christ. It
was built upon the Truth, with the Truth and by the
I cannot describe the joy and profound peace of simply
entering that sanctuary inside me, knowing that God is
always there and always eager to see me. His
acceptance, love, forgiveness, grace, companionship and
counsel dwell there.
God built a safe haven for me within me, where the lion
and the lamb lie down together in peace, where the most
vulnerable part of me thrives because she is loved and
protected. Nothing can enter that sanctuary to harm me
because Jesus Christ is the only door."